The Jae-Chan Experience

Friends Only, baby.

2007-02-01T03:46:06Z

Want to read my journal?

Thought so. My life is just that interesting, I know. :P

Comment me if you want to be friended. :)

Swiped from Jac

2006-09-10T19:02:48Z

My Personality


Neuroticism	77
Extraversion	68
Openness To Experience	98
Agreeableness	95
Conscientiousness	0

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Look at that! xD I have no conscientiousness. I can't even spell the damn word.

Blargh, I have so much work to do, and I failed at the gym. 25 minutes and then my throat closed up and I couldn't breathe anymore, YAY! X_X

Food?

2006-09-06T02:07:40Z

Man, I am so hungry. I ate a full meal for the first time since Saturday today, and now, my stomach is back in gear and ready to eat. I wish I had a granola bar, or a sandwich, or something with bread, but I don't.

Anywho, classes went well today. Spanish was not as bad as I thought it would be. I was assigned a lot of homework though, so I probably should get started on that eventually. Dinosaurs seems like it's going to be a fun class, even though we didn't actually do a whole lot in class today.

What I really want is sleep. I am so sluggish, and I just want to go to the gym and work out, but I don't have the energy anymore. I also want to take a nap, but I don't have the time for that. I don't have enough time between classes to fall asleep, and the days that I have free mornings/afternoons are the days I have to be at work at 8:30. Hell, even making time to eat has been a problem. I feel like my life is revolving around work, and I really want to keep working there, but not 22 hours a week, with 5 classes and 3 organizations on top of that.

Talking to Jon and Bri is making me feel better, though. It's nice to talk to old friends again.

A New Semester

2006-09-05T05:12:46Z

I moved in to my new apartment on Sunday morning. The move-in went well. It was quicker than most. I spent much of the day with Mike, and it was wonderful. We went for a walk on Sunday night, and it was really nice. We don't do that very often, but I do ove going on walks with him. It gives us the chance to bond. :)

Today, I worked, woo. I spent some time here, and today is my roommate's birthday, so someone brought a cake and we had a midnight celebration. I made a card. :)

Guess I didn't say much about my roommates yet. Well, there's Maria, Diti, and Menaka. Maria is my roommate, and we lived in the suite together last year. She's a great person to have here - she's really sweet and fun to talk to. Diti and Menaka remind me of Vera and Renuka a bit. I like them a lot, and I think they will be fun to hang out with in the future. I really hope that we get the chance to do that (I'm sure we will at some point, since we all have no Friday classes :D).

Mike's roommate, Eric, is pretty cool, too. I haven't talked much to him, but he seems nice, and I think he and Mike will get along very well.

Tomorrow starts the first day of classes, and I am nervous as hell. At first, I was kind of excited, but then I read up on my professors and looked up the syllabi, and I'm just nervous now. I always have this impending fear that I will not grasp the concept of the class. Mostly, this happens in Spanish. Languages come easy to me, but every semester, I feel like everyone else will outdo me, and I don't want that to happen. I know it sounds like an elitist thing, but I am half Spanish/Ecuadorian, my mom's side speaks it, and so I feel like I should, too, and my Spanish should be at least up to par with the rest of the class. Plus, from what I've heard, the class has weekly essays, and I am afraid I will be bogged down by them.

My psych courses seem like they will be too good to be true. I am afraid I will not do enough work for the classes and I will fail them. It's really irrational, and I know that last semester, even with minimal studying, I still got As. I am doubting my abilities to do it again.

Dinosaurs is the only class I am not worried about. I know I will enjoy it and put time into it all on my own. I am actually looking forward to the class, which is tomorrow. :)

But before my classes, I have to work again. I love working at the bookstore, but I am bogged down with the immense amount of hours they have put me on for this week. Although tomorrow I only work 4.5 hours, on Wednesday, I will be working 9.5 hours. I am not looking forward to that, and I hope things don't stay that way.

The one thing that has ade me truly happy since I've been here is seeing Mike. I felt at home when I saw him last night. I want to feel that way again. Don't get me wrong, I love the apartment, and it's starting to feel like home, but it's missing Mike.

I'm rambling again. Time to stop and go to bed.

It's been awhile.

2006-08-23T00:45:56Z

Well hello, dearest LJ. Sorry I haven't been writing. I've been meaning to, honestly, but I just...well, didn't.

Oy, I've temporarily run out of Sailor Moon. Funny how at the end of a season, I become incredibly obsessed with the show. Although technically, I have the movie and I'm ready to watch it, but I'm holding off until Super S is completely downloaded.

So now, I have CD 1 of the Memorial Music Box playing, woo. I really should burn this onto a CD. It's taking up entirely too much space on my HD. D:

Gah. All I want to talk about is Sailor Moon. I'm so crazy. xD

In other news, my Spanish final exam was today, and I'm pretty sure that I did well. I start work at the bookstore on Thursday, which is somewhat exciting. It'll be my first retail job.

What else...oh! I got a stuffed giraffe from Mike today. :D Her name is Roseflower, and she's my second giraffe (the first is Eva). She's so snuggly. I love her. <3

Also, I require a new mood theme. I love my kitties, because they're so darn cute, but I want to see what else is out there.

K, off to BR. ::flees::

Meh.

2006-08-14T04:38:03Z

I feel like a failure. I can't do anything right, if I even attempt it at all.

I don't remember the last time I felt this bad about myself. I think it was during high school. And if you knew me then, you know this is bad.

I require J-pop!

2006-08-10T21:29:22Z

Woo, I need some music to listen to for my car. The same 40-something CDs I have just does not cut it.

I haven't updated recently because my C drive went crazy and stopped recognizing itself. I had to reinstall Windows, which meant that I lost all of my photos. Thank God for my J drive, or I would've lost 100G worth of files. Being easily frustrated, I decided not to come on for awhile. But now, here I am.

Work ended for me yesterday. I'm kind of glad, because waking up at 7 every day was starting to get to me. Ah, and working 40 hr. a week? Not so good. I do have a job at the Rutgers Bookstore lined up. It starts on Monday. I am looking forward to it, even though I have never worked retail before.

At the moment, I have to leave for class. With nothing to listen to in the car, the ride will be quite boring. On the bright side, I may or may not get coffee later, because I deserve it. And because I'm hungry, but 9 PM is too late for me to be eating.

More later, I promise. :)

EDIT: I have returned, less drained and having witnessed awesome rain on the way home from class. A bit scary to drive in, but still cool nonetheless.

I pulled out more old CDs to listen to, so during the rainstorm, I listened to the Pokemon: The Movie soundtrack. I remembered most of the stuff on there, but I completely forgot one song that was on there. Well. I remembered it was on the CD, but I forgot how many things it triggered, none of which are Pokemon related.

The song is "Lullaby" by Mandah, and it always reminds me of Harry Potter. Why, you ask? Well, here's the story. I started reading the Harry Potter series after PoA came out. To the non-Potter fans, that's the Prisoner of Azkaban, which is the third book. I read all three in a few days, and at the time, I was obsessing over the song. So, throughout the countless hours it took me to read the three books, I listened to that one song. On repeat. Note that it takes me 8 hours to read an 800 page book. With the small books at around 300-400 pages each, that's between 9-12 hours of the same song on repeat. So it only made sense that I'd associate the series with the song. And of course, the tradition of listening to that one song while reading the books still occurs to this day. Yes, every HP book I've read has been accompanied by "Lullaby." Okay, except for the second time I read OotP (Order of the Phoenix, book 5). I listened to Evanescence then.

Oh, and I think Jac was involved in this, too. Somehow.

So anyway, I listen to the song, and scenes from the book swirl to life in my head. It's wonderful. The trio is talking about Sirius, and then we fast-forward to the Yule Ball, and Cedric dances with Cho whil Harry looks away, and then we go back in time to hear Hagrid's bit on Blast-Ended Skrewts, and then further still to Ginny being targeted by Tom Riddle/Voldie, and yeah. All of that good stuff, even though the song is actually about ~~Hermione seducing Harry/Ron/other male character that is not Krum~~ Jigglypuff.

Now, I be off to Quick Chek where I will have a fake cappuccino thing which will make my insides hurt more than they do now. Damn Wendy's from last night. I knew I should have fought the urge.

Hee, I'm not at work!

2006-08-03T12:14:00Z

I have a doctor's appointment this morning, so I don't have to go into work until 1:00. :D This is exciting.

Er, anyway. Hung out with Mike yesterday. We snuggled, made pizza, and went to Maggie Moo, which just opened up by us. I thought it was wonderful; even better than Cold Stone.

However, I was feeling kind of down last night, and I'm not sure why. Hell, I've been feeling kind of down for the past two weeks already. Yesterday during work was definetly my low point. I kept thinking about how terrible of a girlfriend I must be, with my lack of dedication to changing my attitude, my lack of physical beauty and sexual expertise, and of course, my goddamn obsession with food that I can't shake.

Just like I always have, when things go bad, I listen to Orgy. And just like I always have, I find a few lines of lyrics that speak to me. Specifically this bit.

What's behind your painted face
Can you see the real pig in the mirror
Revenge you breed
I hate your skeletons begging to get out one by one
Don't let your secrets get out
Keep it in the brain dead circle
This is you
Create a new fantasia 'cause it beats hating yourself
Hating yourself

And now that I feel like an idiot for posting lyrics, I am going to get ready for my doctor's appointment now.

Recap, OMG.

2006-08-02T02:38:02Z

Woo. I don't even remember half of the stuff that's happened. Let's see here...

Mike and I went for a walk on Friday, which was wonderful. I love going for walks with him, because we get to talk a lot, and I always feel closer to him afterwards.

On Saturday, we went to the body exhbit in NYC. We both enjoyed it a lot. I'm not sure what part he liked the best, but I loved the brains and the fetuses. However, those girls who were oohing and ahhing over the bayyyybeeees were obnoxious. But anyway. After that, we went to Chinatown and walked around for awhile. We got hot and tired very quickly, so we went back to Mike's house early, and we just snuggled the rest of the night away. It was a really great day, and I really have to get those pictures up.

Sunday was relatively uneventful. Enter me and the first half of Sailor Moon Super. And some food. Yeah, that's all I did.

On Monday, Mike came over again, and we blew up the coolest pool float ever. It's like a hamster wheel thing, except you sit in it and get pushed upside down. Now that was a lot of fun. :D

And today, I had my Spanish exam of doom. I think I did alright, so I'm not really worried. I suppose I'll know for sure on Thursday.

And...well. That's all. I don't even have anything deep to talk about today. It's way too hot to really do much of anything, so I think I'll lie down on the floor next to the fan or something. Pictures to come, as well as more meaningful entries.

No, I haven't disappeared.

2006-07-31T04:44:35Z

I've been a bit busy for the last few days, and everything I've worried about in my last entry has resolved itself, thankfully. ^_^

Unfortunately, I don't have time at the moment to type up everything that's gone on. I have work tomorrow, so I'm off to bed, but a full recap (with pictures!) is coming up, hopefully tomorrow.

What a terrible week.

2006-07-27T04:08:44Z

I don't know what's wrong with me. I've felt pretty bummed out since Monday, but tonight just put the icing on the cake.

Mike and I sort of had a bad night, and I started crying, and then everything got really awkward, and we didn't have a proper goodbye or goodnight or anything. Not to mention that I'm weak as fuck and a complete idiot, which is somewhat related. I don't know. I just feel very inadequate now, as a girlfriend, as a lover, as a friend. Place that on top of my everyday insecurities (fear of failure in life/school, the whole beauty thing, lack of motivation) and you've got one very upset me.

Fuck, I just wish I had time. I feel like I'm losing touch with a part of myself because I never have any time to spend alone anymore. I either go to class, stay with my family or see Mike in the evening, and I work all day. Not that seeing Mike is a bad thing, just that I don't have that time to sit and think about things or do the things I like to do on my own anymore. During the school year, I'd at least have some time between classes and an hour or so before bed. Now, I come home and crash.

There are some days when I feel like I have a wonderful life. I've got a loving boyfriend, a pretty car, good grades, awesome friends, etc. Today though, I just don't see it anymore, because I'm too damn focused on everything I am not and everything I don't have.

Sorry to burden you all with my pity party. I guess I'm off to bed, then.

Woo, headache!

2006-07-24T02:00:01Z

My headaches are coming back, and I don't know why. I've been having weird sinus-like irritations all week, but I don't have a doctor's appointment until August 3rd, so that just sucks.

Anyway, today was a good day. Mike and I went out to China Buffet for lunch, but first, we stopped to see our ducks at the park. Svetlanaduck and The White Duck are back together again. They were sitting together this morning. :) All the geese were hanging out on the grass, and unfortunately, one of them look as if he was about to die. A lot of other geese were surrounding him, walking around him, and the poor thing was just sitting there. He couldn't move. It looked like he was one of the babies from the spring, because he still had a few baby feathers on his head. It was kind of difficult for me, so we left after that.

This is the first picture I have of them.

They were so young and tiny here.

A little older, munching on...er, whatever they happen to be eating.

Oh, and look at this one. Clearly not camera-shy.

"Man, I'm just awesome."

Lunch was good, but I was still hungry later on, lol. Mike and I had a really good time. :) After that, my grandparents came over, I sat with them for dinner, etc.

We found out what's wrong with Buddy today. Turns out he must have had fleas, and he scratched himself so hard that he had open wounds on himself. He's still irritated, so he's off to the vet this week. Other than that, he seems just fine. Happy, playful, and hungry. :P

Zell and Selphie are both doing well, too. I bought them a new cuttlebone today, and I tried to get them to interact with me again, but they wouldn't come to my hand today. =/ So instead, I watched them groom each other, which was absolutely adorable, even though Zell kept snapping at Selphie for trying to be helpful by grooming his face. Oh, I love my budgies.

Other than that, I didn't really do much today. I'm about to watch The Wonder Years with my sister, so this is it for tonight.

I'm thirsty, dammit.

2006-07-23T03:28:43Z

Just a quick entry tonight, because I don't feel like writing much.

I got my hair trimmed and styled today, and it turned out nice. :) ::fluffs it around:: Eee, I wish it was like this everyday. :)

I saw Mike afterwards, and we spent the whole day in bed, snuggling. Except for the part when we made pizza. It turned out well today (we buy dough from a pizza restaurant nearby and make it ourselves), so of course, I ate so much of it. We fell asleep afterwards from being way too full, and then I had to come home. :(

That's all I did, really. And even though I spent nearly the whole day in bed asleep with Mike, I really enjoyed it, and I feel like it was something we just needed to do. We don't get as much time to spend together like that with work and my restrictive parents, so it felt great to be able to fall asleep and wake up in Mike's arms. ::sigh::

Tomorrow, we're going to China Buffet for lunch. :DDDDD That place is heaven. But right now, I need some water. ::flees::

Eh.

2006-07-22T07:34:53Z

Well, this is the beginning of my new journal (even though I've had an LJ for quite some time now).

I had a strange day today. I woke up feeling terribly sick, and I had work today, so that was sucky. I ended up listening to Bob Dylan all day long, and I started thinking about death. No, I don't want to kill myself. I just thought about what it feels like to be dead. I mean, I know what it feels like to be alive, but to be dead? I'm not sure how that would work. What would happen to your mind, your heart, your soul? I believe in science, so the life cycle ends at death, with no afterlife. And that makes the concept of being dead seem so bizarre.

Perhaps I think too much about things. =/

Anyway, this was just a quick hello. I actually should be asleep right now, as I have a hair appointment tomorrow morning. Woo, haircut. :D Perhaps there will be pictures.